Starting a blog is a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. Maybe that’s because I’m going to focus on a topic that has always been taboo in my family…
Growing up, I was taught that depression was a choice, and a sign of weakness and/or laziness. Anxiety, the side effect of a guilty conscious. Bipolar disorder, insanity-a topic best avoided no matter what.
Looking back, I can’t really blame my grandmother for teaching me these things. She raised four kids of her own, and mostly on her own before taking on the task of raising me. She worked up to 3 jobs at a time in order to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. If she didn’t do it, no one else would. The older I get, the more I respect all she went through in life, and the fact she was still working as hard as ever right up to the day they admitted her to the hospital with 3 out of 4 valves in her heart failing. She never made it out of the hospital…
Okay. I’m not tackling that topic tonight. It’s the first entry on what I hope will be a blog where people can learn about bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. A blog where people can laugh, and perhaps laugh at themselves as well.
Why a blog? Free therapy. (Beats paying $100 an hour for someone to listen and turn my questions back at me.)
At a deficit to creativity, I suppose I should just introduce myself.
I’m Rebecka, a 32 year old married mom of one living in Southwestern Kansas. I’m a nurse (LPN) at the local beef packing plant, and as you’ve probably figured out I’m bipolar. I’ve been hospitalized three times over the past five years with anxiety and depression. I’ve plotted my own demise many times; wear scars upon my legs, hands, and arms from multiple forms of self punishment brought on by the guilt of being weak. I know what it’s like to have irrational thoughts flying around at lightening speed and getting burned trying to catch that lightening.
I’m hoping this blog will help others with bipolar disorder grow to accept themselves with compassion and no guilt. I’m learning how to do this myself, we can go through it together! If you’re reading this, bless you! I hope I can help.
Seriously Bipolar 